So it’s March. Where in the hell did January and February go? How are we one-sixth of the way through the year already? 17% of 2007 down the tubes!
Not that I’m saying the whirlwind of the last two months was all bad or all a waste or anything like that. I’m just, once again, stunned and amazed at the speed of time whooshing by my head.
But anyway, I’m starting Month 3 with a severe case of the crankies: I didn’t sleep well, even though I made a point to go to bed in time to get 7 hours of rest. If I got 4 total I’d be amazed. What was with me? Well, my pre-bed convo with Mr SoCal was filled with the Negative (his job sucks, he’s sorta stuck, it’s quite unfortunate, and I took away some of the grumpiness when we said goodnight) so I had to wind down from that. Then I couldn’t find a comfortable position to sleep in. Then I just kept waking up various times throughout the night. I so didn’t need that. I so need a latte (venti caramel decaf soy if anyone’s buying).
On top of this, I’m still digging myself out from under a mound of obligations. Dude: I cannot juggle the way I used to. It used to be nothing to help one person with this, another group with that, AND still get my own projects worked on. Now? No way in Hell. Of course, I’m not quite selfish enough to just toss off theÂ other committments I made. Nope, I’m slogging through them. The thing is, in the mean time? NONE of my own projects are being worked on. I have a fantastic idea for something: can I grab the supplies and make it? Nope. Not because I don’t have them but because I promised other things to other people. And the really horrible part? Some of these ideas could see real promise and, yes, monetary gain if I would do them and get them out there. Off the notebook page (because I do at least take time to write down what pops into my head, it’s something) and into reality. Imagine that.
So, starting this month I have some goals. (Well, okay, I’ve had these goals before now, but now I’m serious.)
- Take care of certain outstanding obligations to other parties and then run like hell. Honestly, sometimes you want to help someone and so you do what you can and then you find yourself being expected to do it again and again. Nope, not this time. I will no longer allow myself to be used, even when its not malicious and that person really is a train with no breaks.
- Lose 30 pounds by my next endo appointment in August. This works out to about 5# a month, not unrealistic, and will serve several purposes. First it will get him off my back about the potential for metabolic syndrome that I don’t have but I could have several years down the road (yes, apparently we’re ignoring the symptoms I currently have, but whatever, I’m over that for a while) and second, well, I will lose weight. I will be healthier. This is not a bad thing. I need to buy a scale.
- Clean up the damn studio (aka the Abyss). Really. I had a dream during one of my sleeping fits that the computer desk and the work table were completely cleared off. It was beautiful.
- Proceed with certain projects that will remain nameless until I’ve actually done them, but I know what they are, they are tormenting me with their un-doneness.
That about covers it. Basically, I’m taking back my time for myself. Does this mean I will never volunteer for anything again? Nope. It does mean that I’m going to be a little more selfish when it comes to what I agree to do, though. It’s not just a matter of doing what I want, it’s a matter of the stress that these things I want to do but cannot puts on me. That stress does bad things for my health and bad things to my psyche and does me no good. I want good in my life, dammit, and I’m going to have it!