A minor victory but a victory nonetheless: I am writing this from my kitchen!
Which means that I got my wireless router and (more importantly) my notebook card to cooperate so I don’t have to string wires all over the apartment to use email, etc.
Why was this such a big deal? Well, here’s the thing. In the past I would have thought nothing of asking one of the very technical guys I knew to do this for me. Now, however, I refuse. Why? Am I just stubborn? Yes, but that’s not all of it. See, in my previous living situation there was a woman who did this all the time: anything she needed done she had this harem of men to do it. Now, some were family members but most common were the men she’d known for years, most (if not all) of whom had wives or girlfriends they would leave to go do her odd jobs. V was one of them.
Now, I’m not even saying she’s the reason for our breakup but I do believe that V’s continuing and escalating appearances at her home versus ours, even to the point of going there first after work each day just because it was more convenient and whether she had a chore for him or not, contributed to the lack of attention I received from V. I could have asked that he not go over as often, but to me it seemed pointless, since he obviously preferred to be there rather than with me (and I told him that a few times when he would ask if I minded if he went over…even if I did mind what good would it do was my thinking).
So, back on track, when I ordered my components for a wireless network in the new apartment, I emailed an old friend (an old boyfriend in truth, who is happily married, and who I’ve kept in sporadic contact with since our breakup in 2000) to have him look at the list of my order and see if there was anything obvious that I’d left out. That was it. His answer was to ask that I let him know when it all came in and he’d help me set it up. For a split second I almost let him.
Then it hit me, if I did that I would be Her. I would be asking a man to leave his home to come to mine and do something I was otherwise capable of doing. Sure it would be easier, and no I would never get into the habit of asking him to do things for me, but even doing it once was too much for me. I couldn’t bear the thought of his wife (whom I’ve actually never met and don’t know enough about to make any expectation of a reaction, but she’s female and what female wants her husband going over to his newly single ex-girlfriend’s home for any reason?) rolling her eyes and saying, ‘can’t she manage it herself?’ or ‘doesn’t she have other friends to bother?’ I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be that girl.
So, sure, it took two calls to tech support to get the one device straightened out. And I still have the desktop adapter to go. And I still need to address the issue of securing the network. But I’ve gotten this far virtually on my own, and I’ll get the rest of the way as well. On my own. Without calling some guy away from his mate. That is why I’m celebrating.