Wedding Planning

So Now What?!

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Booking our venue also meant we checked off booking our caterer, lodging, and even our Day of Coordinator since they all came part and parcel with the location.

But now what am I supposed to do?

The other week our venue sent us a handy schedule that went over when we would meet (starting 6 months out) and what we would discuss and decide on at those meetings. Now, with 11 months until our next scheduled anything, I might have to nudge that first meeting a little earlier. After all, making so much myself means needing a better picture of pretty much everything a bit farther in advance.

Until then, there are a few things I can get started on:

  • Save the Date design. They don’t have to go out for another 5 months, at the earliest, but I have a very specific design in mind and getting started on it certainly won’t hurt, especially now that we have our location.
  • Wedding Wed-site. Yes, we have this blog, but I think a general info site, away from all the sneak previews and such, might be a good idea for some of our less-curious guests.
  • The Dress. I’ve gone dress shopping twice, already, just to get a feel for what I liked and what looked good, but I’m still not set on one design versus another. There’s also the exploration into making my own that bears consideration.
  • The Flowers. Even though our florals will be faux, I can still figure out what styles and looks might work for us and start making the components so they can be assembled after we have that first planning meeting and I know just how many centerpieces, etc. we’ll need.
  • The Rings. We’ve decided to go in a different direction than originally planned for my wedding band, so the hunt is on to find something that suits me to a tee.

Hmmm, lots of planning and research involved in most of the above. Good thing I have stacks of wedding magazines I’ve barely even flipped through to help me narrow down my choices!

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

Did you have some decision downtime during your preparations?
If so, what did you do to keep yourself busy?

Not Even a Guilty Pleasure

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

This was originally written over a year ago, but these comments by Lena Dunham are still making the rounds in women’s lit circles. I still think the thoughts her comments spurred, however, are still important to consider.

While listening to the Fresh Air Weekend podcast, Terry Gross introduces the topic of chick lit/chick flicks as a contrast to Lena Dunham‘s main character in ‘Girls’ and to the creator herself. Dunham, while allowing that she figured writers wouldn’t appreciate such a “distillation of their thesis” of their work, and catching herself before she lambasted all chick-flicks with a pink poster, said

“It isn’t even fun to me in a guilty pleasure way…because I don’t see any of myself in it, because none of my, just none of my actions…have ever sort of been motored by the search for a husband, or wondering if I was going to have a family some day, or wanting to live in a really great house, or thinking it would be really great to have a diamond. . .There’s a kind of female character that doesn’t make sense to me.”

–Lena Dunham, on Fresh Air, 5/7/12

Wow, really? I fully admit that I had a knee-jerk reaction that bordered on offended. But it only lasted a second or three before I started to wonder about my specific reaction and the larger concept of relating–to people and ideas. Specifically those of the happily-ever-after sort.

As a genre, chick lit doesn’t get a lot of love from a lot of critics. And, yet, I find it hard to believe the books would have done so well and that people would still buy and read them if there wasn’t something relatable about the characters. After all, I read them from time to time, even when I was in my never-gonna-get-married-again phase. A phase that began before my second marriage ended and lasted through the first couple of years of my relationship with Mr. Road Trip.

You know, the guy who gave me a ring and I’m happily marrying in 535 days less than 6 months?

So… yeah. About the “I don’t see any of myself in it,” I think that maybe she’s not trying. Because it’s not necessarily about the person or the object–the carrot and the end of the string–it’s about the journey, the impetus. It’s about the wanting, that search in general, and anyone who cannot relate on that level, I kinda feel sorry for.

Even in my anti-marriage frame of mind, I still believed that there’s something somewhat pure about the dream of happily ever after. It’s one of those ideals that never goes out of style–I mean, really, who doesn’t want to find their own happiness at some point? Do people really go around looking for ways to ensure they are miserable?

Armchair psychology about self-destructive behaviors and self-sabotage notwithstanding.

It’s not about liking everything. Opinions are awesome, everyone’s got ’em, and there are plenty of things I don’t necessarily like, entertainment-wise (from the clips I’ve heard from the interview, for instance, ‘Girls’ doesn’t sound like my cup of tea, and that’s okay–I’m sure the show will do just fine without me watching it). But I can at least step outside myself, my small pocket of the world, and appreciate the larger concepts and relate that way.

Try to see beyond the end of your nose.

This blocking out of a style or idea is common in everything–it’s the downside to the natural pigeon-holing we do as human beings–even wedding-planning. Sure, it’s fun to snarkily riff on Bridezillas or My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, but I hope each bride recognizes that what drives those brides and grooms to what we see as a tire-squeal around the bend is the same thing that makes us contemplate DIY wedding flowers, punch rounded corners into every piece of wedding stationery, or the half-dozen other things we do in the name of bringing our idea and vision of our wedding day to life.

And here I am, come full circle. I went from the girl who dreamed about being married with all the trappings to a woman who wanted nothing to do with the institution ever again to the woman who’s happily engaged with her own, fledgling wedding blog. Pink background and all.

If you’re a regular reader of wedding blogs, chances are good you have no problem with the “search for the husband” idea. But if you ever did, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. And if not: share you’re favorite chick-lit read–I’m always looking for new books to add to my list!

Make it So—aka Planning vs Execution

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Almost all the guides out there start the countdown at 12 months. A couple will go so far as to mention 18 months out, but it’s pretty rare. So, if you’re settling in for a nice long engagement (18 months, 2 years, maybe 5 if you’re wanting to walk across that stage and get your PhD before walking down the aisle to get your MRS), can you really start planning that far out?

Yes and No

Yes, absolutely, you can start making lists and pulling together inspiration and maybe use this extended time frame to adopt some healthy habits or ditch some unhealthy ones, all in preparation for starting the next chapter of your life. Go for it!

But can you put down deposits and buy a dress 3 years out? You could, but I’d advise against it.

Things change over time–styles change, wants changes, trends come in and out of fashion–and putting down dollars sets things in stone. Or at least risks cancellation fees. I’m not overly worried about a trend going out of favor but still wanting to use it 2 years from now, but it’s worth a thought that a location you scout and reserve today might not even be in business 2 years from now! And with the economy still taking its time to bounce back, so many places close up shop or get new owners, it’s just not smart to pin your hopes on location A or Dress Z with so much lead time involved.

So what do you do in the mean time?

You plan.

But, wait, you just said we can’t plan because what it someone closes or someone else comes up with an idea we want to do instead and might have wasted our moneyandohmygodijustdon’tknowwhattothinkanymorewhere’sthechocolate?!

Shhh, shhh, there there now, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to confuse you.

The difference, to me at least, is that planning is dreaming and list-making and researching. The other stuff? The paying of deposits and signing of contracts? That’s the execution phase–aka the getting things done time.

I once read that planning a wedding of any scale or scope takes, on average, 20 hours a week during the first few months and then another 20-40 in the weeks closer to the actual event. That’s like a second job–no wonder you need a honeymoon afterwards!

But think about it: would you really want planning a wedding to be like ordering a fast food meal?

“Yes, I’ll take Rustic Wedding Combo 2, upsized, with a side of Cupcake in a Jar favors.”

“That’ll be $12,000, please pull up to the first window.”

If so? Head to Vegas, m’dear, where they really do have drive-thru chapels (though I can’t guarantee the cupcake favors).

For the rest of us, planning is the fun part, but it’s still a lot of work. And, if you’ve got the luxury of a long engagement, you can spread out those 20 hours/week into 2-3 hours per week for the next year without hitting overwhelm or running out of time.

Now, me, personally? I’m a dive in head first kinda girl and limiting myself to 2.5 hours of planning/research a week would be torture. I just love it too much to not think about it during every 3rd available moment. So that’s when scenarios and what-ifs come into play, so I can feel like I’m getting something done without actually committing too soon.

Of course, if you’ve been following along, you know we went ahead and booked our venue at 19 months out. Did some of those what-ifs cross my mind? Absolutely and then some! But, for me, the stress of not being able to make real plans and the limbo feeling we were in far outweighed the what-ifs.

Just make sure everything you talked about with your venue is in the contract and keep that contract in a safe place. If there’s a staff or policy change between now and then, verbal agreements aren’t going to hold up the way that contract will!

How far out did you start to put down deposits and made contract decisions?

Achievement Unlocked: Location

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

View of the Gathering Hall from the road, through one of the arches down to the ChapelA location can make or break your wedding. It’s true.

A great location means all you have to do is show up and it’s gorgeous. Things like manicured gardens and stately old homes fall into this category, and can sometimes be hard to find or outside of your budget.

Instead, most of us are looking for a Good location. One that has enough natural beauty–good bones, you could say–that a few small touches will be enough to make it right for you and yours, but not a completely blank slate.

Todd and I have found our Good location, and no surprise it’s Honey Lake Plantation.

Even though I chuckled a bit because I have a bad habit of falling in love with the first house/car/idea I come across, we really did look at other options, officially and unofficially, but none of them measured up. There are still details to work out, logistics to factor-in, and all the usual event planning schtuff, but by choosing HLP we’ve made things a lot easier on ourselves while securing our wedding in a very pretty place.

This decision came at a price, however. 70% of our budget, to be precise. But that includes location, catering, and lodging for 2 nights, so all-told I think it’s going to be worth it in the long run. We both do, or we wouldn’t have signed on the dotted line, right?

While this does mean I’ll be heavily economizing on some of the other “must-haves” on down the line, it also means I can finally start making my to-diy lists and start planning with a vengence! I mean, it just wasn’t feasible to pick a dress until I knew how much room I’d have to move around in it, what sort of surfaces I’d be traversing and all that jazz. What sort of decorations will be needed heavily depended on the location, too. How many tables will need centerpieces, long, round, or something in between. A lot hanging in the balance.

So YAY! the dreaming has focus, and we, at a shade over 550 days to go, have our location.

Now to figure out… oh, everything else!

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

Did you feel a tremendous sense of relief when you made the location decision, too?

Under Pressure

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

After a month more-or-less away from wedding planning, I’ve jumped back in to try an pick up where I left off with the location hunt.

I have one word for that: Ugh!

It’s like getting out of the habit of diet or exercise, you start back up expecting to be where you were but, no, you’ve slipped.

So back I’ve trawled through my Wedding Mail folder, digging up the old quotes and trying to figure out what else I need in order to make a decision.

One thing that was painfully apparent: I need caterer quotes, too.

As some of the places we’re looking at are all-in-one, the ones that are location-only aren’t easy to compare apples to apples. It’s not even like apples to oranges, it’s more like apples to kumquats.

Harnessing the power of the Internet I send out a handful of hopeful ballpark estimate requests. I was upfront about our budget limitations, explained the vision I had for our reception based on our favorite dining experience to date, and explained how I saw that transitioning to our wedding reception.

The first reply I got said our budget was a bit low for that sort of meal (a bit? try it needed to double, and then some). Another came back with a figure that was just a bit over on the low end, but that was before rentals I’m pretty sure. And then there was someone I’d really love to work with, based on her vibe, but we’d need to be able to budget an extra grand for staffing OR go with a style of service that I’m just not a fan of.

Le sigh…

Yes, I know we have over a year until the wedding, so theorhetically we’ve got LOADS of time to make a decision.

And yet, the pressure (mostly from myself) to make a decision is nigh-on overwhelming. On the one hand, everything seems to hang on the location decision: how much budget is left for everything else, how many decorations will be needed, what reception scenario we’ll go with, etc. On the other hand, I’m afraid of choosing too soon in case something “better” were to come along after that non-refundable deposit is handed over, or–even worse–our chosen location closes or comes under new management.

Plus the, possibly irrational, fear that whatever choice I make might be seen as the wrong one on the day of. What if I choose the wrong menu? What if–you know what? I’ve got to stop this.

A final round of requests has gone out and we’re just going to have to make a decision and have done with it.

I want to wake up on the morning of our wedding thinking “yay, it’s here!” and not “thank god this is almost over,” and to do that we’ve got to start moving forward.

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

Have you ever lingered over a decision you put pressure on yourself to make?