Wedding Planning

5 Years In, 1 Year Out

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Friday, November 2, was our 5 year dating anniversary and also brought us exactly 1 year until the wedding!

Suddenly my Inbox is full of countdown emails from various wedding websites and we can finally say we’re getting married in less than a year!

For our actual anniversary we went to the local Greek Food Festival but didn’t stay too long–last year we closed it down and then came home with friends to play cards until 3am–this time we were home in jammies before 10pm! Then, Saturday night we had a slightly more “proper” anniversary dinner at Buca di Beppo, which recently opened in the mall, followed by going into every jewelry shop for some impromptu wedding band shopping.

Todd went in thinking he wanted a brushed-and-shiny two-tone look, only to find he liked the look of highly polished Tungsten Carbide band.

Tungsten Carbine Band from Kay Jewelers

Tungsten Carbide Band via Kay Jewelers

And I’m still set on an open-work band with plenty of sparkle.

Sterling Silver & Diamond Band via Kay Jewelers

Sterling Silver & Diamond Band via Kay Jewelers

Not necessarily that ring, but something along those lines. We decided a while ago that, rather than getting a ring custom-made to fit around my engagement setting, I’d get stand-alone ring and wear my engagement ring on my right hand. At first I was against the idea, but then had so many problems with the setting that not wearing it every day seemed like a not bad thing. And, hey, it’s more shiny things for me and I’m not going to fight that!

Ring shopping was a nice way to walk-off dinner but it wasn’t all fun and games. We went into one of those all-but pawn shop jewelry stores, just on a lark, and I regretted it immediately. There was a very wrong feeling in that place and we made a polite circuit of the cases and got the hell out of there. Not that I really expected my dream ring to be in there, but a bride on a budget needs to examine all options.

One more thing I decided, with a year left to go, was to scrapbook this last year of wedding planning, Project Life-style. This will not only get me to take more photos of us and our wedding activities over the next year (something we’ve been really bad about, so far), it’ll also be nice to have a definite reason to scrapbook again. It’s a hobby from way-back for me, but now I do it digitally.

Title Page for our Project: Wedding scrapbook using the Becky Higgins Tourquoise Project Life Kit

The Cover page to our Project: Wedding Album!

Dorothy Parker Lied

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
digital collage by Miss Road Trip

digital collage by Miss Road Trip

You know the rhyme, right?

Men seldom make passes

at girls who wear glasses.

Passes were, thankfully, never really a problem (though I did have one male roommate do a bit of a double-take when I finally got contacts for a spell).
I wear glasses. Big deal. So does Mr. Road Trip for that matter, and aside from the occasional nose-smudge or necessity of a head-turn during a hug, it’s no problem on the day-to-day.

And, yet, they are bringing up a couple of thinking points when thinking about the wedding.

My first wedding my glasses weren’t quite the necessity that they are today: I just took them off and didn’t worry about it. The second wedding was an elopement and I may have been wearing contacts back then. I know the photos we went for after the quickie courthouse ceremony were spec-free, so I definitely didn’t wear them!

Why is this such a big deal? I love my eyes but they’re not huge, limpid pools and, being nearsighted, the lenses make them look even smaller. Eye make-up becomes practically non-existent behind them, lashes too.

This mucks about with my eye-deas of how bridal eyes should look. Not to mention the glare from the sun or lights that gets reflected in them. They also tend to get in the way of certain side-swept hairstyles.

I suppose I could go back to contacts for the ceremony and reception. Sure, it’s another thing to add to the list and another expense, but I’d get my pretty eyes out of the deal. Worth an extra $100 expenditure? Maybe. But then would I look like “me” since the real me is a glasses any time I’m awake sort of girl.

You know, guys have it so easy–

Except that Mr. Road Trip wears those transitions lenses that go dark in sunlight and unless something changes it’s going to look like he’s wearing smoked lenses for the pre-wedding and ceremony.

What’s a four-eyed-girl and groom to do?!

What I’ve settled on is, first, getting new lenses. I had my eyes checked last spring and my prescription hasn’t changed, but when I got these lenses I passed on the anti-glare coating. Back then it wasn’t such a big deal–I wasn’t exactly getting my photo taken a lot. But  with the anti-glare on the new lenses, the glasses will blend into my face much better, and you’ll actually be able to see my eyes and my carefully-considered eye make-up. And speaking of make-up, I’m probably going to forgo false lashes–I love the look but they’d likely brush against the lenses and that would drive me batty. Instead, I’ll concentrate of mascara that makes my lashes look fuller and just leave it at that.

T’s going to get new lenses, too, as we agree the transitions lenses are a bad idea for wedding photos. (And life in general–they darken quickly but take forever to clear up, and don’t darken in the car when he could actually use them!) He’s overdue for an eye exam, though, and fears bifocals may be in his near future. If so, it’s better than not seeing at all, right?

Did you have any non-traditional concerns when planning your own wedding?

Creating The List

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Into every wedding, a list must fall.

Most weddings, several lists come into play. If you have a wedding planner, he or she will have a list for you. If you’re planning it yourself, every bridal book and magazine and website has lists for you to follow.

The thing about those lists, is that it’s hard for 1 person to come up with a list that’s going to fit your wedding perfectly. So you’re either skipping over the things that don’t apply, or writing more stuff into the margins. And that’s no good.

Instead, I suggest you take your top 3 lists, from whatever source they came from, and create your own master list.

Sounds scary, and like a lot of work, but once this bad boy is put together you’re going to feel really good about what’s ahead.

Right now I’m a couple weeks out from our big, mostly-annual Halloween party. Now, considering how many times I’ve thrown this party, you might think everything gets done in my sleep by now.

No

In fact, each party I throw is always a little different because I tweak things here, add things there, ditch stuff that didn’t work, and so on. And even if it was a cookie-cutter operation, there are still things that need to get done each year and if I don’t have them written down, there’s a good chance I’m going to forget something until the last moment and have to scramble.

As a hostess, I prefer not to be scrambling when the guests arrive.

Granted, this is a party for 20 or so friends and family, not exactly the scope of a wedding, right?

Think about it this way: my parties include mailed invitations, a menu, decorations, seating, activities management, and even party favors. The difference between one of my usual parties and a wedding is only a matter of scale.

And there have been plenty of small, backyard weddings that took less than the planning and prep for my average Pumpkin Party or Fairy Fest.

Back when I was planning on becoming a professional event planner (end of high school, early college; pre-Culinary School, obviously), one of the best tips I ever learned was to do a mental walk-through of the event as a guest. In your head, your imaginary guest is going to do everything you’ve planned for them to do, and it’ll point out things you might have missed like making sure there’s a trash can nearby.

To build on that, for a wedding list, I’d say go through each part of the event–starting with the rehearsal dinner–and mentally attend it, asking yourself the big questions.

Who‘s in charge of it?
What do you see? hear? taste? feel? smell?
Where‘s it gonna be?
When is it?
How will be people know about it? get there?
Why is this important?

We’re incorporating the “reporter questions” with the 5 senses and filling in the blanks. Not all questions will be applicable to all settings, but it’s good to run through them in case something jogs your memory. As you think through those items, write down or type everything that comes to mind.

Thinking about our rehearsal dinner, my answers would look something like this

*bride & groom
*People–family and out of town guests, music–supplied by site, food–small group, off the menu?
*restaurant (make reservations)
*November 1, time tba, depending on venue schedule
*Guest list for the rehearsal, send out with invitations, arrange shuttle or carpool for guests in from out of town
*So that we can relax with our friends before the frenzy of the next morning.

So, from thinking this through, I know that I need to add the following to my Event Master List

  • Create rehearsal dinner enclosure for select guests, include with invitations
  • Get count for rehearsal dinner
  • Firm up rehearsal time with ceremony site
  • Make reservation at La Fiesta
  • Ask about fee for resort shuttle for guests staying on property
  • Alternately figure out how many people will need transport and how many cars will be available
  • Ask about limited menu vs a la carte at the restaurant
  • Decide if we’re presenting any gifts at rehearsal dinner
  • Make/purchase gifts (optional)
  • Decide on payment method (credit/debit/cash, etc.) for dinner
  • Make sure to have cash on hand for tips

Because my goal is to relax at the dinner, I’m not going to worry about decorations (the restaurant we’re planning on reserving has lots of natural decor anyway, it’s not a blank slate by any means).

Then you just keep going through your event, working with whatever rough (or specific) timeline you’ve got.

When I get to the walk down the aisle, I’ll “see” the decorations that I want, so they go on the list as something to make, along with the flowers (or whatever) in my hand, and so on and so forth.

Once you’ve got the Master List compiled, then you get to play jigsaw puzzle with it (because different things get done at different times), arrange things in the order that makes sense to you, and it’ll start to look like one of those lists you see in the magazines. And speaking of those lists, use them as a template as far as distance from the event staging, transfer over the things from those lists that apply to you along with your own mental walk-through list, and what you’ll end up with is an Event Master List that is perfect for your event, and not cookie-cutter to the average wedding, etc.

If you make your list in a spreadsheet program, you can color code your text and fields to make it easy to glance at. Or, if you prefer lots of mini-lists, feel free to make sub-lists (like a Packing List, a DIY Project list, a Payments to Make list, etc.) from your master list so you avoid overwhelming yourself with 1 big list.

And if you absolutely hate lists, find a friend willing to channel their inner Monica and send up a flare.

Engagiversary!

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Engagement ring on the cork of a bottle of San Sebastian port, with a digital candle

As of this past Monday, September 30, it’s been a year since Todd & I made our engagement official! What did we do to mark the occasion?

Spent 8 hours in the car, on the way home from a comics show in Mississippi, then grabbed Chinese take-out as we got back to town.

I know, not very romantic, but we’re not really the super-romantic type. At least we spent the day together–despite the rain that made driving that much more tense, and the exhaustion as we’d just made the drive to Mississippi on Friday.

In the past year we’ve gotten quite a bit accomplished. We:

  • Started saving for the wedding
  • Picked our venue (which came with a caterer, accommodations, and a Day-Of Coordinator)
  • Created our preliminary menu
  • Decided on a honeymoon
  • Found our officiant (more on that one, soon)
  • And I bought my dress!

Not bad for 12 months, and we’ve still got 13 months to go!

These days it’s not uncommon for a couple to be engaged for a year or more. It is, however, a little outside the norm to have an engagement longer than 18 months. If you count when we actually decided to get married (in June of last year), a few months before there was a ring and telling our families, our engagement is 27 months long.

And speaking of the ring…

After having all 4 prongs reset (which was a bit of a trial in and of itself), the setting was starting to loosen again when I went to the mall to pick up a Clinique order, but I had the store clean it and inspect it that Saturday.

Just 2 days later, on a Monday, I’m sitting at my desk, I look down, and one of the #$%^&* prongs is missing. Unlike the first missing prong (where the fridge shelf caught it and snapped it off in front of my eyes), I have no idea how this one came off. I’d been at work 2 hours and the most strenuous thing I’d done was file some papers. I had no time to take it in that day to make that week’s repair shipment, so it sat in my jewelry box for a week until I could make it back by the mall.

And while the repair is not only visible to the naked eye (it’s like he dumped some extra metal into that corner and just didn’t bother to clean it up, so it’s “clogging” the corner on either side of the prong and behind it, backing up to the halo stones), I’ll be damned if I haven’t had the ring back a month (maybe more) and it hasn’t rattled once! Every other time it’s been 2 days or less before it’d start to loosen again, so maybe–as inelegant a repair as it was–this’ll actually hold!

*knocking wood that I didn’t just jinx myself or my ring*

I would imagine things are going to start heating up a bit, now. We’re still on the photographer hunt (though an end may be in sight on that score), and I’ve yet to design our cocktail or start on the rest of the DIY goodness I have planned.

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

Did you have an engagiversary?
Did you do anything special or was it just another day in the countdown to the wedding?

It’s More Than Just the Dress

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

With the dress procured, what else to wear was still up for debate.

Let’s start from the bottom and head up.

When I tried on my dress I was wearing 3″ heels (pretty standard for me) and they were just about perfect for the existed hem. While they are not the shoes I will be wearing on the day of the wedding, they at least gave me an idea of what I needed to look for.

Have you ever wondered how much room your shoe collection spans?

Have you ever wondered how much room your shoe collection spans? (personal photo)

To say that I have a thing for shoes would be putting it mildly. I haven’t counted recently (there’s been no good reason to), but the last time I wondered enough to do so I counted 85 pairs, and I’ve bought several since then. I’m definitely in the triple digits by now.  And most of them are heels because I find it painful to wear flats for more than a day. (I have Achilles tendinitis in both heels that developed several years ago, amusingly enough while I was wearing flats a lot thanks the multiple dance practices a week–usually it’s caused by wearing heels too often, not the other way around.) I also just love the confidence boost a good pair of heels can offer, and definitely have my favorites for when there’s an important meeting at the office.

So when I considered what I wanted in a pair of wedding shoes, I knew it needed a decent heel, preferably a platform for stability, closed toe, and an ankle strap to keep me from accidentally walking out of them–security is key! It was a while before I found my ideal wedding shoes, and for a while something like these (found via Offbeat Bride) were definitely a contender.

Images via ShopRuche.com

I’m definitely on the colored-shoe train, but not because it’s trendy: I just can’t stand white shoes (fallout from surviving the ’80s) and don’t want to buy a pair of shoes that I’ll never wear again.

The thing is, I have plenty of shoes around our wine color, but none of them are comfortable for an hour plus of standing around OR they’re way too tall. So I think I’m leaning a bit more towards cream or brown. I think it’s just a case of I’ll know it when I see it. Which is exactly the case when I found these Madden Girl shoes via Zappos.

image via Zappos

image via Zappos

I took them for a test-run at a charity event in April and I almost counted them out. They’re the first shoes I’ve worn in ages that rubbed blisters on my little toes–definitely not something I’d count in the pro column. But then I tried them on with the dress (which, by the way, still fits perfectly a year later–no alteration fees in my future!) and they were the perfect height. Unless something else comes along that’s even better I think I might just add some moleskin or other friction barrier to the littlest piggies and go with it.

As to the rest of the ensemble, I’m not planning to don a veil, so there’s the choice of hair decor to decide (remember, the girls loved me in a tiara, so that’s certainly an option). I’ll wear the journey necklace Mr. Road Trip gifted me on our first Christmas together and maybe a dressier version of my usual hoop earrings, so jewelry is mostly sorted out.

There’s also the matter of the jacket or sweater to cover my shoulders. I spent part of last winter knitting a cropped cardigan as a test for my wedding-day ensemble (patterns seldom work for me as-written, I always have to use the knit-and-see approach), only to find it matched the shade of ivory of my dress pretty much spot on! It still needed a little bit of dressing up, though, which brings me to: the bling.

I love the trend of sparkly belts, so plan to make one for my dress in cream beads and tiny ivory pearls. I’m also considering some trim to peek out just under the folded cuff along the top of my dress, and then edging the sweater’s neckline with the same beading so everything looks like a set, not just disparate parts.

jwalker_beadedneckline

The beaded neckline of one of my favorite shirts | personal photo

This shirt I’ve had for ages, and it’s one of my favorite pieces to wear. It’s a Henly-style top, but instead of buttons, both plackets are covered with this piled-on beading and that’s what I’m thinking will look best for the accents on my outfit. It’s a fairly simple technique, it’s just a matter of assembling the supplies and getting it done (tutorial to come).

What pieces are you still hunting up for your bridal ensemble?