Wedding Planning

About the Cake…

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
(personal photos)

(personal photos)

Pretty, huh? All of the above are personal pictures of cakes I’ve made for other brides and grooms. Not only did I used to spend my spare time decorating cakes (for fun and, occasionally, profit), I also used to be a Wilton Method Instructor and taught other folks how to do it.

Which is why this next bit might be a touch surprising:

I don’t want a wedding cake.

I know! I know. It may not make sense, at first, but hear me out. I have a few reasons for this:

  1. Wedding cakes are expensive (for a reason!)–even the basic models start around $2 a slice and I wouldn’t want a basic, blah, boring cake.
  2. Our wedding will be a small group and, really, a cake to feed 50 will look so very tiny unless we do a bunch of fake layers underneath to give it some presence (I know, I’ve done it both ways).
  3. There’s no way I’d be willing to do it myself. Even when I loved doing them, it was more a love-hate thing going on.
  4. No one else would be able to please me. I’m a perfectionist and a control freak and having spent years nose-deep in icing I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from critiquing whomever we ordered from and, truly, it would never satisfy me.

Luckily, having alternatives to a traditional wedding cake is nothing new to today’s brides (though the guests might still be a smidgen puzzled over it) and options abound:

  • Tower of cupcakes–offers variety and easy serving sizes and I do have to admit, the cupcake stands are neat to look at.
  • Tower of cream puffs–go French with a croquembouche; if your area is cool enough and lacking in humidity, a spun-sugar “cage” is a very nice touch.
  • Cake buffet–instead of one big cake, why not lots of normal-sized cakes of different flavor combinations to choose from?
  • Dessert buffet–who says it has to be cake? Pies, tartlets, cookies and whatever else your sweet tooth desire can be arranged on a variety of pretty plates and stands.
  • Ice cream sundae bar with various flavors, toppings and bases (brownies and pound cake, anyone?).

When I first confessed my disinterest in having a traditional wedding cake to Mr. Road Trip, he laughed but understood (he was there, incidentally, when I made my brother’s cake the year before and learned just how and why I feel the way I do about them). We joked that if it was truly a reflection of us and our favorite sweet, then the “cake” would need to be Oreos, as the double-stuffed fudge ones are one of the few indulgences we keep around the house.

Of course, since the initial decision to forgo the big spectacle cake was reached, some health issues have come up for me which mean staying away from wheat (among other things–I’ll go into that when we get closer to our tasting). This means I will definitely be making at least some of the items for our dessert buffet, both to make sure that there are safe sweets for me to eat as well as them being up to my admittedly high standards. But we’ll also be contacting the few bakeries in town that have wheat-free options available so that I don’t have to do it all.

11 Months and The Big List

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

To-Do List graphic

December 2nd marked 11 months until the wedding and things haven’t progressed much since last month.

Oh, wait, I take that back!

I sat down and made The Big List of all things wedding left to do and it took 8 pages in my little notebook. I’m in the process of putting it all into a spreadsheet so I can do all my sorting and shuffling and happy little OCD-ish organizing stuff. So far I’m 2 written pages in and on line 36. It’s gonna be a long one, folks!

But what’s fun about the whole list-making process is you can make it any way you want.

I set up my list with these headings:

  • Category (decor, logistics, papers, etc.)
  • What (that actual thing to do)
  • Who (me, Todd, both of us, a vendor, etc.)
  • Where (venue, home, “global” for those pesky things that could come from anywhere)
  • When (due dates, meeting dates, appointments, etc.)
  • Why (useful when you question your sanity–“so the tables won’t be nekkid” and “because it’s cool” are totally valid answers for why)
  • How (we’re not talking step by step, it’s more like “shopping,” “crafting,” and “think, think, think” for decision-making things)

Did you know you can insert pictures into spreadsheet cells? Sure, Pinterest and bookmarks work, but why sift through the 150 things you pinned last Saturday once you’ve narrowed your faves down to 2 or 3? Just pop a thumbnail in a cell and you’ve got it all in once place.

Generally speaking, one list leads to more lists but you can’t get to List 2 without List 1.

We managed to book our engagement photo shoot for January–might be a little chilly but that could work for us (I like sleeves, you know). It could also be a freak hot snap and we’ll melt. Either way it’ll be caught on film!

Also, I’ve been working on the beaded trim for my cropped cardigan. I’ll do a more in-depth look at the hows and stuff once I get this part of it fully done. But here’s a sneak peak of it in process:

Beaded trim in progress

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

What’s the longest list you’ve ever tackled?

Holiday Coin Toss

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Holiday are a time for family gatherings, whether blood-related or otherwise. Now, unless you’re an orphan, chances are you’ve got some family that wants to see you on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, Yule, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

When you’re single this is no biggie. Heck, when you’re dating it’s not always that big a deal, either–you might take the opportunity to meet your possibly-future in-laws, but it’s also not crippling if you each visit your respective families for the holidays.

When you get married? It’s another story.

My sister-in-law’s family is made up of divorced parents who’ve both remarried, and everyone lives in the same general area. This means that for every holiday they’ve got between 3 and 5 stops to make, and that’s before they get around to seeing us. This is not a way to live, folks, but it’s the precedent they set while they were dating and it’s tough to break the habit.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy. It’s the plot of a romantic “comedy” or three.

For Todd and I it’s actually pretty simple: my immediate family (except my brother, who comes up from Orlando for most big events) lives in the same town as us and his family is several states away. Since it’s an expensive plane fare or a 2 day drive (at least!) to see them, we stay here for holidays. But if we had the opportunity to go up to Nebraska or out to Arizona one year, no one on my side would begrudge us the trip. (At least I don’t think so!)

That’s because it’s fair.

Whether you put the different family groups in a hat and draw one out for each holiday that year or you bargain based on parental lobbying for this day or that, make a decision early on as to where you’re going for each one, and keep it to one or two visits per holiday-day to keep yourself sane. And the next year switch it up, if need be, to give everyone equal time.

If or when you have kids, grandparents are going to put in bids even more strongly, so having a strategy as a couple will make it that much easier to put your foot down when everyone wants to see everyone else all within 24 hours.

The other option, though not for the faint of heart, is to open your home as the epicenter of holiday cheer and host whomever wants to come. It helps to have a lot of extra space if your family is particularly large, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. (And a hotel.)

It’s also never too early to start your own traditions for your new family, with or without extended participation. If there’s a holiday that’s really important to you to do it your way, set it aside for the two of you and have your own celebration. In this day and age of cell phone, Face Time, and Skype, you don’t have to travel to “see” everyone.

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

Do you have a plan for divvying up the holidays?

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Once you come down from cloud nine, it’s time to start thinking about the wedding day. Use the first few weeks of your engagement to dream big.

Start by envisioning the wedding of a lifetime. Imagine all the glorious details without regard to cost. Reality and budget can be dealt with once your actual planning time gets underway. This is the time to hope beyond your wildest dreams.

page 5, Weddings 101, Honor Books

Now, you might be saying, “Miss Road Trip, why you gotta be like that; what’s wrong with a little daydreaming about the big day?”

Allow me to explain.

It’s not the day-dreaming, its the qualifier that you not worry about what you can afford. It’s sets a bride (or groom–or both!) up for one of 2 scenarios:

Option A: Bride-to-be dreams up this elaborate fete full of every awesome thing she’s seen in movies and online, only to be disappointed that her castle in the sky has to be shrunk down into a subterranean split-level. That disappointment rears its ugly head at every appointment and decision-spot along the way and she’s a holy terror of ‘zilla proportions trying to make silk out of shoelaces.

Option B: Bridey knows she can’t afford the wedding of her dreams in the conventional sense, but that’s why they invented credit, right? Right! So the credit cards get maxed out, savings eradicated, maybe even some hijinks in fiance’s name or going behind Daddy’s back. The result is the same: blockbuster wedding and your own personal deficit as you start off your new life mired in bills and fighting over why there’s no money. Because there will be fights.

Money, after all, is one of the biggies when it comes to reasons marriages fail. Not the lack of money, necessarily, but the fighting over it.

Gathering ideas, sure. Seeing what’s out there, what’s trending, what’s new since you last attended a wedding? Absolutely. Hoping “beyond your wildest dreams” that some fairy wedding planner is going to sprinkle you with magic dust and make your Cinderalla dreams come true? Recipe for disaster.

But it is what the Wedding Industrial Complex would have you swallow hook, line, and 2nd mortgage-sinker.

Lest you think, though, that I’m totally bashing this little 6.99 gift book, I did find a few gems within its diminutive covers. Namely these quotes from Ogden Nash:

June means weddings in everyone’s lexicon,
Weddings in Sweedish, weddings in Mexican.
Breezes play Mendelssohn, treeses play Youmans,
Birds wed birds, and humans wed humans.
All year long the gentlemen woo,
But the ladies dream of a June “I do.”
Ladies grow loony, and gentlemen loonier;
This year’s June is next year’s Junior.

page 42, Weddings 101, Honor Books

The organ booms, the procession begins,
The rejected suitors square their chins,
and angels swell the harmonious tide
of blessing upon the bonnie bride.
but [sic] blessings also on him without whom
there would be no bride.
I mean the groom.

page 119, Weddings 101, Honor Books

These Nash poems made me wonder if he had anything else to impart that might be more suitable advice for the marrieds or soon to be. One of these might be fun for the next time you need a witty saying for a card or even a toast:

A Word to Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

(for my fellow April-babies)

Always Marry An April Girl

Praise the spells and bless the charms,
I found April in my arms.
April golden, April cloudy,
Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy;
April soft in flowered languor,
April cold with sudden anger,
Ever changing, ever true —
I love April, I love you.

(a sweet, but lengthy sentiment)

To My Valentine

More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That’s how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That’s how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That’s how you’re loved by me.

Have you come across any interesting quotes or verse lately?

Candy Bar Basics

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

There are a LOT of cool, fun things going on in weddings these days and the candy bar or buffet is one of them. Sure, some folks are saying that this is one of the trends that’s dying out, but I bet we’ll be seeing them for a while. It’s not something that was going to fit in with our wedding plans, but that didn’t stop me from setting up something similar at last year’s Halloween party. (We also did the mashed potato bar at this party–I hope those never go out of style!)

Here are some things I learned, that might help if you’re planning to include these sweet treats for your wedding:

Halloween Candy Buffet

That year’s theme was Toddlers & Tiaras–the mega pixie sticks were a must! (personal photo)

1. Be creative with your color scheme.

Candy comes in all sorts of colors these days, but the more out there or specific your colors are, the harder it may be to match them in sweet form. Instead of shipping in questionable candy that might match in looks but not taste, go for your favorites regardless of color, and use colorful containers. The usual might be the pretty apothecary jars, but everyone does that…

2. 4 oz. of candy is a good guideline, but it’s only that.

And that guideline is probably in weight, not volume. 4 oz of M&Ms is going to take up a lot less space than 4 oz of a lighter candy light saltwater taffy or caramel corn. Consider the type of container you’re putting out for your guests to fill and buy enough candy to fill each 3/4 full–some will take less, some will fill their baggies to bursting, this will give you a safe range. And if you think one treat will be more popular than others? Order more of that one, as opposed to equal amounts of everything.

3. Buy only what you wouldn’t mind being stuck with.

There’s no guarantee that everyone is going to take their candy share, so leftovers better appeal to someone or you’re going to be throwing money away. Plus–going back to part of point 1 up there–if you serve stuff you like, you can vouch for the quality.

4. Don’t forget serving tools for unwrapped goodies.

Wrapped candies are easier to grab by hand–tongs and scoops will just make a mess–but no one wants someone else’s fingerprints on their nonpareils. Also, when you’re picking out vessels and scoops, make sure the latter easily fits into the former, especially when it’s full of fun stuff (so try out your set-up with dried beans or something before you pass the point of shopping for better options).

And, of course, the usual display suggestions apply: different heights make a table more interesting, labels can help your guests if items are wrapped or unfamiliar, and don’t overcrowd things–that’s just asking for an accident.

I think our Halloween candy bar went over well and the leftovers meant the trick-or-treaters got plenty of candy in their bags. After the first few waves we were ‘that house with the pixie sticks’ though, so we might have to continue that tradition next year–even if it is only 2 days before the wedding!

So, have your say: candy buffets out or in? Are you doing one?