(i.e. I couldn’t make this up if I tried)

Mom: (to bus boy/host–we’re not really sure)
Could you please check on our orders? We’re feeling a little like a red-headed stepchild since other people who arrived after us are already eating.

Bus Boy/Host–we’re not really sure:
Sure thing, I’ll go check.

Jason:
Wha? You shouldn’t have said red-headed stepchild.

Me:
It’s an expression.

Jason:
I know, but he might not considering he’s probably younger than I am.

…not too long after, BB/H-wnrs arrives with two plates, our waitress arrives with two more, there are five people at our table?

BB/H-wnrs:
They were just putting the finishing touches on it.

Waitress (to Andrew):
You’re food will be out in just a minute.

Andrew:
Great, mine’s going to be the one tampered with.

 more time passes, our waitress finally makes another appearance at the table, bringing the extra sour cream for Kara and the extra BBQ sauce for Mom

Mom:
How much longer will his food be?

Waitress:
Oh, I thought it had already come out. I’ll go check.

Various people at table:
You thought wrong.
It didn’t sprout legs and walk out on it’s own.

Waitress (after coming back with Andrew’s dinner):
I really thought it had already come out.

 Mom asks for her purse, which was sitting next to me, pulls out some singles and watches for the helpful little dude that is *not* our waiter; she snags him on his next pass around the room

 Mom:
I’d like to give you this tip because you’ve been more helpful to us than our actual waitress. 

BB/H-wnrs:
Oh, thank you.

Us Kids:
(looking down at our plates)

Mom:
Could you also send a manager over, I’d like to tell him the same thing.

BB/H–wnrs:
Okay, Sure.

…a little while later…the manager walks up

Manager:
You wanted to see me?

Mom:
Yes. I just wanted to say that the food tonight was absolutely wonderful, but the service sucked.

Manager:
?

Mom:
It took forever for our waitress to actually come take our orders and it wasn’t until I flagged down the guy in the red shirt, the one who came to get you–

Manager (murmurs a name we don’t fully catch)

Mom:
took our drink orders and got her to come over that we got any service. Then we had to ask him to check on our food because our waitress wasn’t coming by.

Manager (splitting hairs):
Then the service didn’t suck, he’s part of the service staff.

Mom:
Well, he deserves a pat on the back and she, well, deserves a kick in the other place.

Kids:
(crickets)

Manager (being very smarmy and unconcerned):
I’ll go pass that along then.

Jason:
I’m not happy with the way that went.

Me:
Yeah, he was pretty smarmy about it.

Mom (shrugs)

Jason:
No one order refills or send anything back, no telling what will happen to it now.

we continue to eat, things are going fine, until I something unfamiliar amidst my rice, veggies and orange chicken.

Me:
That was a french fry.

Jason:
A what?

Me:
A french fry in my rice and stuff! It’s okay, it was just unexpected.

Andrew:
That’s okay, there was some chicken in my fries.

laughter

Mom:
I, I don’t want to know what’s in mine, I’m just eating it.

Jason:
Probably some red hair.

I about choke on a mouthful of rice, Jason looks smug and Andrew chuckles. Mom looks up in confusion…

Mom:
What? Oh!

Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up if I tried. We decided that Mom should probably stay away from this Applebee’s for a while, instead she should frequent Ruby Tuesday.

Cheers!