But What Will People Say?!

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

This last “objection” was a doozie, and it all comes down to the social stigma attached to someone who’s had multiple marriages. It’s a lot to get past, the one that is more external than internal, and the one that has the greatest chance to repeatedly raise it’s head in public forums.

word art of a "broken" society

image via stock.xchng | photography by eliteds3

Some people? Are judgmental, narrow-minded busybodies who get off telling other people how to think and live.

I generally don’t like those people, but they happen to be the people that come up with “rules” like:

  • Brides can only wear white if it’s their first wedding.
  • A second marriage doesn’t deserve all the fanfare of the first.
  • Divorce is a “four letter word.”

And so on and so forth.

While I acknowledge that everyone has a right to their own opinions and beliefs, I disagree with their opinions/beliefs taking away (legally or societally) my right to choose what is best for me in my situation. Walk a while in my 4″ heels, please, before you pass judgement, okay?

For those of us who’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to learn to be more open-minded (because it is a learning process, and sometimes a painful one), we realize that a bride can wear whatever color she wants to regardless of the number of weddings she has or hasn’t had before. That divorce is a fact of life these days and, yes, sometimes even a necessary “evil.” And that any marriage, whether the first or the fourth, deserves any type of celebration the couple wants.

I’d even go so far as to theorize that when we, as a society, expect or suggest that a second, etc. wedding should be down-played and not celebrated starts that marriage  under a dark cloud, and that’s never a good thing!


Ultimately, the only opinion that really counts is yours and his, but those negative opinions are still out there, and sometimes you do come face to keyboard with them. And your confidence in humanity plummets.

What it really comes down to is that people make mistakes and, hopefully, learn from them. While I’m not 100% sure that “if, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again” is the best credo to follow in this situation, it’s not all wrong, either. You take something away from every relationship, good or not-so-good, and you apply that education to the next one. And we keep trying to find the one that fits because we all want the same thing: to be happy. We deserve it, if we’re lucky enough to find it.

After a failed marriage or two, though,we’re not able to be starry-eyed in love and think that marriage automatically means forever. We know how things can change, how they can go downhill and you just need to get out. So facing that prospect, once again, is terrifying. But they say, bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway, so we’re going to choose to be brave in the face of marriages crumbling (and the statistics stacked against us) and hope for the best possible scenario for the rest of our time together.

Did you ever come up against a social stigma you knew was unjust,
wedding-related or not? How did you handle it?