Crafting the Ceremony: Walk Right In

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

You may have noticed that there’s been little talk of bridesmaids or groomsman in the Road Trip world. That’s because we’re not having any. This is one of a handful of “traditions” we’re opting out of for our wedding.

It’s not that we’re morally opposed to having our closest friends stand up with us, it’s mostly that with only 40 or so people at the wedding at all, having 8 or so people up front would feel like half the audience! The other part of our reasoning is that our friends are each wrapped up in their own day-to-day lives and aren’t really into the whole wedding entourage thing, so why force it? I’d even considered asking said closest friends to act as our House Party (an honorary title for Helper Monkeys who don’t have to wear certain things or stand up with us, but still help out) but with a DoC it didn’t seem necessary.

On the one hand, it greatly simplifies how many metaphorical cats we have to heard on the wedding day. On the other hand, it means there’s not much processing going on–especially when you consider how brief our aisle will be!

Admitting that I was a touch of pomp and circumstance to properly kick off the ceremony, we’ve decided it would be nice to not just have the ceremonial seating of the mothers, but also the rest of the immediate family that will be there, since we’re not all that many to begin with.

I figure FFIL Road Trip can escort FSIL Golf to their seats, followed by Mr. Road Trip seating FMIL Road Trip. Then, on my side, Brother Speedy can seat Doctor Aunt, Brother Truck escorts his wife to their seats as Brother Speedy circles back to escort Mama Leadfoot. We might also ask if Friend-ficiant L wants to process similarly or if she’d rather just position herself up front before hand.

The Dad Thing

Like fellow Honeymoon Bees Bicycle and Rucksack, my father isn’t available for that traditional walk down the aisle.

Well, he might be available in the grand scheme of things, if I were to find out where he was and ask him, but 8-year-old me ratting him out to the authorities and sending him away for 5 years and then opting not to see him ever again tends to put the kibosh on those sorts of requests.

(Yes, I’m making light of what was a very difficult time in my young life–more in deference to not bringing the mood down or triggering others with tales of woe. Laughter is the best medicine and all that jazz. Moving on!)

At my first wedding I processed alone. At the time it was the right choice for me to make but I distinctly remember the nerves and pressure of all those sets of eyes on me with no one to lean on–physically or emotionally. Not wanting to go through that again, I proposed that we Road Trips walk down the aisle together.

After all, I don’t view our wedding as the beginning of our life together as much as I do the next step in our overall relationship, and it’s a step we’re taking together. Escorting each other down the aisle makes the most sense, preserves our personal independence, and keeps me from either a) making that walk alone, again, or b) asking someone else to fill-in, which would feel rather disingenuous.

And what will we be processing to, you might ask? I’ve always loved Pachelbel’s Canon in D–it’s the band geek in me coming out–and I’ve heard so many versions of it that it’s almost hard to choose. For a while the Canadian Brass was the front-runner for favorite (low brass represent!) and then we heard the Trans-Siberian Orchestra version and it was pretty much all over from there.

(Direct link for the feed readers: TSO Christmas Canon Rock)

Of course I’ll have to edit out vocals from the center but their mix of strings and electric guitar is just the sort of traditional with a twist that appeals to us. And the fact that it might make some of our older guests’ eyes widen in surprise is merely a nice side-effect.

Our Friend-Ficiant

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Exactly one week after announcing our engagement, we attended an Octoberfest-themed First Friday event with some of our local Meet-Up friends and, unbeknownst to the Road Trips, we were about to be given our first (and possibly most awesome) gift of our wedding: a gift of service.

It’s hardly unusual these days to have a friend or family member officiate a wedding, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it in those first three month of pre-planning, but to ask someone for such a favor seemed like a bit of an imposition. (And, you know, if they said no I’d be really crushed.)

So when friend L asked who we were planning to have marry us, we said we’d probably just hire a notary to do it (as Florida is one of 5 states that allows that sort of thing). And that’s when she asked if we would like her to do it.

It's really tough to find pictures of L without a costume of some sort!

It’s really tough to find pictures of L without a costume of some sort!

We’d only been friends with L and her husband for about a year at that point, and she had assumed we Road Trips were already married. Within a couple of hours of that first introduction L and I were totally on the same wavelength, finishing each other’s sentences and becoming fast friends. And when we announced our engagement not only did she get a moment of ‘I knew it’ for good measure, she was–and still is–the person most excited about our upcoming wedding aside from Mr. Road Trip and I.

First she had to qualify, which meant either becoming a notary or get ordained by one of the online venues that specialize therein. Since we were, at that time, considering venues in Georgia as well as Florida (Thomasville, GA, is actually closer to Tallahassee than our venue in Greenville), she opted for ordination, choosing American Marriage Ministry over the ubiquitous Universal Life Church. Unlike some folks who get ordained to perform a specific ceremony and that’s it, L wanted to be able to offer her services to others, as well, so it was important to make sure the group she affiliated with fit in with her own beliefs.

She’s also been invaluable as photographer on 2 of my 3 dress excursions, researching venues, and keeping us on our toes about getting our ceremony put together.

Because, of course, that’s the beauty of having a friend perform the ceremony: you get to create it from the ground up!

Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
The Chapel at Honey Lake Plantation

The Chapel at Honey Lake Plantation (and our back-up ceremony spot in case of rain) | personal photo

No, we’re not considering the Jennifer Nettles/Jon Bon Jovi collab for our wedding song (though that might be a fun lark, and certainly not the most inappropriate song choice ever).

During our recent venue-hunt, I had a most surprising feeling overcome me: I almost missed being a member of a church.

I mean, really, if you’ve got a “home church” and it’s got a fellowship hall, you’re all-but made in the shade as far as venue is concerned.

Unless…

While going through my first divorce, a well-meaning friend informed me during one of my “I’ve failed” pity parties that I was young, I’d fall in love again, I just couldn’t get married in our church.

Say what?!

Our pastor at the time was old school. Very old school. And he took the once married always married idea quite to heart. It wasn’t like I’d be banished from the congregation should I remarry, he just wouldn’t be performing the ceremony as, to him and his take on the scriptures, that would be condoning adultery, essentially.

If that’s shocking to you: welcome to this particular brand of independent fundamental Baptist in the Bible Belt of The South.

But it’s not just down here that second weddings aren’t as favored in certain houses of worship.

Mr. Trips’ former wife wanted a full Catholic ceremony but, since she was previously divorced, said ceremony could not be held in a Catholic church. Instead, they did the full mass, communion, etc. in a Methodist church.

Of course, by the time I was contemplating a second marriage, that pastor had retired and our newer, younger, pastor felt differently: God can forgive murder but not divorce? The second wedding was a quiet, private ceremony at the courthouse, but it was nice to know I had the option to get married in my own church that time had I really wanted to.

These days neither of the Road Trips are into organized religion and have absolutely zero desire to be married in any church or with any religious trappings. We’re planning a strictly secular ceremony and are quite happy that in Florida there are plenty of Notaries who are happy to perform ceremonies for those who, like us, prefer that sort of thing.

If you are religious, however, it’s a good idea to check with your pastor, priest or other religious leader to see what your options are before you get your heart set on walking down your usual Sunday aisle.

Did a previous marriage interfere with your initial remarriage plans?