Highway to Happiness: Our Ceremony Begins

The great thing about having a friend perform your wedding ceremony is that it can be anything you want it to be. That’s also one of the down-sides, since it can literally be anything and where to begin can be a bit daunting (especially for a first-time officiant). The following ceremony has been cobbled together from half a dozen different sources (at least!), remixed and edited into something that suited us. I’ve transcribed the whole thing in this and the next post just in case someone finds something useful for creating their own ceremony.

All images via Pink Shutterbug Photography

Family and friends, we are all here today to celebrate the relationship of Jennifer and Todd and to be witnesses and supporters of the commitment they share with one another. Together weâ€™re a group of the most important people in their lives and theyâ€™ve brought us here to publicly recognize that weâ€™ve all played some special part in the love they share today.

Jennifer and Todd want me to thank you all for being here and to recognize how important each and every one of you is to their relationship. They would also like to recognize all of those who couldnâ€™t make it here today as they are certainly missed but not forgotten on this day of celebration.

In marriage the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right partner â€” it is being the right partner .

It was during that last paragraph that L got choked up again and Mom scooted around us to hand her a tissue.

The road that has brought Jennifer and Todd here today hasnâ€™t been easy. Itâ€™s been filled with challenges that they werenâ€™t necessarily prepared for, both separately and together. But theyâ€™ve taken each one on and have used those experiences to strengthen, not weaken their love.

Freind-ficinant L: Do you, Todd, welcome Jennifer as your wife, offering her your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future?

Todd: I do

Friend-ficiant L: Do you, Jennifer, welcome Todd as your husband, offering him your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future

Jennifer: I do

At this time, we invite selected family members to recite the four elemental blessings.

Mama Leadfoot: These are the blessings of the elements of air: may you always share ideas, tell each other your dreams, and appreciate each otherâ€™s intelligence. The gift of air is communication.

Dr. Aunt: These are the blessings of the element of fire: may you always find inspiration in each other, find the energy you need to support each other, and have faith in your relationship. The gift of fire is passion.

MiL Road Trip: These are the blessings of the element of water: may you offer each other compassion, may you wash away hurts and share each otherâ€™s joy. The gift of water is love.

FiL Road Trip: These are the blessings of the element of earth: may you never want for food or shelter, may you thrive in health and enjoy the good things of the earth. The gift of earth is the material world.

Jennifer and Todd, the vows that you are about to make are a way to share your love and commitment to each other in your own words. Sometimes poems, verses and quotes just donâ€™t get the point across the way you need them to and the best option is just to do it yourself. These vows are your way of openly declaring your promise to one another as well as to all of those who are here in attendance today.

Jennifer, ladies first.

Todd, before I met you I had come to the conclusion that marriage just wasn’t for me, that I just wasn’t any good at it. And you know full well that I didn’t change my opinion until several years together had passed. But you never pushed, never tried to convinced me, you just showed me day after day that you were different. That our relationship was different. And that when I was with you, I was different, too; different because I never had to be anything other than myself for you to love me.

Several years ago, the night before I was going to have surgery, I was understandably concerned about what was going to happen the next day. I admitted to feeling more than a little wobbly over it all. You pulled me close to you and you said ‘you can have some of my strength.’ Over the years you have continued to offer me a strong, broad shoulder to lean on when tired or sad. You always seem to make me laugh over the silliest things, and your calm, easy-going way helps balance my intense need for control. In your arms I feel safe and cherished. And I continue to be grateful for your willingness to go along with my latest, sometimes hare-brained, ideas.

Today I promise to do everything in my power to make you smile each day, to greet you with a hug and a kiss when we’ve been apart, and to always hold your hand as we face whatever the world has waiting for us just around the next curve. I will never tell you you have too many comics or games. I will always support your endeavors and encourage you to try new things.

With you I’ve learned the beauty of not planning everything out as far as the mind could see, of just letting the days come of their own accord and with no expectations. With you by my side I’ve accomplished things I’d onlly dreamed about, and am continually humbled by your faith in me.

It’s hard to believe that six years ago today you arrived at my apartment and forever changed what I knew to be true about my life. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.

There were the expected chuckles at both “hare-brained ideas” (notably from my boss) and the end bit about being wrong, but there were also a number of audible sniffles during both of our vows and the rest of the ceremony. I was right there with them, though–I may not have teared-up myself, but I did have to take a couple of deep breaths at points to keep my composure.

Jennifer, for many years now I have admired your beauty, your intelligence, your kindness, and for the way you always know how to make me feel so special. So on top of all the other vows I will make to you today, I also vow to always appreciate how lucky I am to have someone who makes me feel the way you do and to continue to try as hard as I can to make you feel as special as you make me feel, forever and ever.

And so…

I vow to fill your ‘I Love You’ bank every day.

I promise to keep a shoulder available if crying becomes necessary, and embracing arms for when it’s done.

I vow to snuggle with you as often as possible.

I promise to kill any insects that wander into our home.

I vow to never take your love for granted.

I promise to always respect you.

I vow to make you really really laugh out loud.

I promise to always try one bite of every meal you create (unless it’s make with peanut butter).

But most of all, I vow to love you under any circumstances; happy or sad, easy or difficult, through the sunshine and through the rain, for the rest of our days. I am an extremely lucky man, and I couldn’t imagine growing old with anyone else.

I transcribed these from the notecards we used during the wedding but I could swear there was something about a monkey at every birthday in his vows, as well.

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Highway to Happiness: Shall We Process?

Wedding Recaps

Yes, we shall. Timelines be damned, we were just going to roll with it!

All images courtesy of Pink Shutterbug Photography

But before we do, let’s take a look at the aisle and ceremony decor. We kept it simple but, I think, effective. For the aisle markers I needed something free-standing (the earlier idea to use shepherd’s hooks or similar was, of course, nixed when we chose a non-grassy space for the ceremony) but also something that was easy to set out since we would be handing them off to the venue to arrange and you never know who’s going to end up with that job. I drew up the plans for an open crate with a tall lattice back panel, just deep enough to fit a trio of wine bottles, which Roadie was kind enough to build for me. Painted a dark brown and then sponged with a metallic glaze, they were deemed complete with the addition of some moss-coated wire, faux grape clusters, and the aforementioned bottles.

As I mentioned in our planning posts, in lieu of a bridal party, we opted to formally seat our families at the beginning of the ceremony (instead of just the mothers, as is traditional). Starting with Roadie’s family, his father escorted his sister to her seat and Roadie escorted his Mom. Roadie likes Vivaldi’s Four Seasons (as do I), so we settled on the Largo from Winter for their music.

For my family we went with Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring as played by the Canadian Brass (a subtle nod to Mom dealing with 7 years of her schlepping me around to practices and performances–I played baritone in middle and high school and still do in a community marching band). Brother Scooter escorted Dr. Aunt to her seat, followed by our youngest brother & sister-in-law as Scooter circled back to escort Mama Leadfoot.

Â Now, I’d chosen relative brief songs for both of these selections while simultaneously making sure we had enough music in case we had to use the church (which has a longer aisle). I saw no reason not to let the music play and give everyone time to get settled and just take in the peace and calm of the moment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the one pressing the play button (or stop, as it were) and the DoC felt differently, fading out the music early and moving onto the next. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt rushed, but there was just no way to communicate with herÂ not to keep doing that, so we rolled with it.

pinkshutterbug_brideandgroom_processional_collage

Oooh, the anticipation!

I remember feeling not so much nervous as giddy in that moment. I may have gripped Roadie’s hand a bit tighter than usual and I was feeling rather giggly. There were no butterflies–I don’t even think I felt self-conscious at this point (which is saying something considering the two dozen pairs of eyes trained on us at the moment). I was just happy, and then our music started (Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas Cannon Rock, edited to remove the singing and some of the extra repeats).

Why do people (myself included) appear to be laughing in those last two photos? Because, in true form, I got up the altar and immediately realized the rings were off to one side of the altar instead of in the center and reached behind Friend-ficiant L to rearrange them. It’s wonderful to be surrounded by people who know you, your quirks, and love you because of them (or in spite of, take your pick). At any rate, it was a nice ice-breaker, if a wedding ceremony could be said to need one.

But enough of that, it was time to get serious!

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Highway to Happiness: Let’s Mingle

Wedding Recaps

Even though our plan had been to greet our guests as they arrived, the transportation mix-up meant that almost everyone had already arrived to greet us, instead. Either way, hugs and happiness overflowed our intimate gathering. The cheese, fruit, and pastries were hitting the spot as we had hoped, and I think there were just as many guests opting for coffee and tea and there were for Champagne or our signature cocktail. (Not wanting to risk a spill but finding myself suddenly parched, I stuck to ice water until after the ceremony.)

I especially love the overhead shots courtesy of the second shooter in the balcony. | All images via Pink Shutterbug Photography

Roadie and I wandered among our guests and I admit to being a more than a little happy as they started complimenting us on our choice of venue as well as our decorations as they asked about several items. The small desk that held our ceremony programs in an antique from the one-room-schoolhouse days that Roadie and I refinished together–I’d grown up using it as a nightstand, but it predated that use by many years as we found out that Dr. Aunt had used it as a child, herself, and refinished it back when she was in high school. And if guests look closely at the corner of the lid they could still see the impression left by Brother Scooter’s front teeth from a long-ago bed-jumping incident. It may not seem exceedingly wedding-y, but it’s a part of our family’s shared memories, memories that were added to by Roadie and I working together to restore it, so it seemed right to have it serve a useful purpose as we started this next chapter of our own branch of the family history, you know?

It was great to see the little touches we’d plan work so well in the space.

Our cardbox got a decent workout during Cocktail Hour, but folks were, I think, a little stymied by the cork guest book (despite a sign to explain the hows and whys). We ended up with some signed corks, but less than expected. Oh, well, you win some, you lose some.

In the bottom picture you can see the golf cart that was supposed to pick us up acting as a piece of scenery.

Now, there was Â another hiccup during cocktail hour and that had to do with the music. I’d created playlists to run the allotted times starting with cocktail hour. I’d spend hours adding and removing songs to make the times work out just so, and labeled each playlist with the start time to make it virtually mistake-proof. I did this for a very specific reason as we’d planned to play Â a specific song as the transition between cocktail hour and the prelude, and the playlists would easily flow from one segment to the next. And I’d gone over this musical cue with the DoC during our last planning meeting.

The wrinkle came when the DoC opted to start the cocktail hour playlist early–while they were still setting the area up and we were still taking pictures down the hill. I’d heard the music start, but hoped (since there was nothing to do about it from where I was) that she’d reset it at the appointed time.

I’m sure no one is surprised that she didn’t, and our transition song played at good 30 minutes early. *eyeroll* I remember hearing the opening measure and whipping my head around, looking for the DoC. She adjusted the playlist to an earlier track, but I’m afraid the damage was done. Instead of the distinctive intro to Europe’s The Final Countdown (yes, we did, we totally went there) sounding at 11:30, the DoC simply cut the music off completely. Instead of the gentle, gradual movement of guests (with chuckles from those who got the joke) from one side of the fountain to their seats on the other, the silence made everyone self-conscious about taking their time and they all rushed to their chairs.

The other songs I’d queued up for before the parents were seated? They got skipped, too. And this is how we found ourselves moving up the timeline a good 10 minutes.

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Highway to Happiness: And Then We Waited

Wedding Recaps

Thinking that our “chariot” (aka a Bentley golf cart they include in their wedding packages) would soon arrive, we went back inside to freshen up and chill out for a moment before it was time to greet our guests.

Kara decided to take some pictures of our ears while we waited. | All photos by Pink Shutterbug Photography

Kara, never one to waste precious natural light, decided to take some pictures of our ears while we waited. | All photos by Pink Shutterbug Photography

Roadie decided to have a little fun with the Scrabble tiles–Friend-ficiant L had been half-threatening to open with the Princess Bride speech that this was just too good to pass up.

And Kara decided to grab my monkey from the dressing room for a little clowning around.

Sitting in the big poofy dress made me feel like a kid playing dress-up for some reason.

Eventually we went out to the resort-side porch thinking the car would be along any moment. Only it wasn’t. Cocktail Hour had begun, we could see our guests arriving at the top of the hill, hear the music playing, but our transportation was no where to be seen.

So close, and yet so far away…

I take that back–we could actually see the canopy just beyond the fountain.

It felt like being locked out of our own party and I was starting to get a bit miffed that we weren’t up there to greet our guests–that had been the plan, after all. My phone was in my clutch that I’d sent ahead with Mama Leadfoot. Roadie tried to text his sister but she was being a polite guest and had already put her phone on silent. We found the DoC’s number but, of course, she wasn’t answering either.

So there we stood, waiting, watching our own party from the bottom of the hill, and I said ‘We’ll give them 5 more minutes.’

About 30 seconds later I changed my mind (I’m not known for being incredibly patient): ‘Screw it, we’re walking, now!’

We’ll call this the walk before the walk!

Unbeknownst to us, at the time, Mama and Dr. Aunt were both on the DoC’s tail about ‘Shouldn’t they be here by now?’ and ‘Isn’t that the cart that’s supposed to be picking them up?’ Supposedly the driver was there one moment and then he just disappeared, no where to be tracked down.

Of course, right about then Mama caught sight of us approaching ‘Too late now!’

DoC: We were just getting ready to come get you!
Miss RT: We decided not to miss any more of the party waiting!

But hey, we were here, now, time to mingle!

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Highway to Happiness: Family Pictures

Wedding Recaps

Posed, formal family portraits were pretty low on my photography priority list, but even I can see that they’re nice to have–I just didn’t want to spend a lot of time taking them! IÂ may have rushed our photographers a bit, and I appreciate their patience as I called out the groupings, adding one more person per group after each handful of shots.

all photos by Pink Shutterbug Photography

We started with just us and Mama Leadfoot, then added in Dr. Aunt.

Originally SiL (blue dress) stood on the other side of her husband but my need for symmetry kicked in and I asked them to rearrange themselves.

Then my brothers got into the picture, finally adding my sister-in-law. Mom sorta missed the everyone-stand-at-an-angle memo, but it’s all good.

Switch to Roadie’s family, starting with his mom, then adding dad in too. Roadie’s parents are divorced and don’t really interact all that much of their own volition so we were a little concerned about how tense this day might be. We needn’t have worried, though–they either took an oath to be shiny, happy people this day or their ire has mellowed over the years.

And Roadie’s sister completes the picture.

A funny thing happened with one of these pictures. Roadie’s dad posted one of the group shots on his Facebook page and a few people got really confused since he was wearing a white jacket and standing next to me. Someone on his friends list asked “D, you didn’t?!” And we always thought it was the women wearing white we had to worry about!

Looking back on the photos we do have (more than this, but I limited the ones in the post since, well, they only really matter to the people in them), I do wish I’d asked for one with us and both sides of the family together, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. It’s not a full-on regret, just wish I’d thought of it then.

At this point we were getting close to the start of cocktail hour so I sent our families up to the Gathering Hall so they wouldn’t have to rush (and so Mom could get some coffee). The golf cart would be coming down for us and we wanted time to take some staged getaway pictures with it before we arrived at Cocktail Hour, ourselves.

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Scraps of Life

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Wedding Recaps

Highway to Happiness: Our Ceremony Begins

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Highway to Happiness: Family Pictures

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