Crafting the Ceremony: Wine Blending

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

It seems like the ring exchange is usually the last part of a ceremony before the presentation of the newly-wed couple. We’ve chosen to structure our ceremony a little differently, owing to some of the other rituals we want to include. The first of these is the unity ritual.

Unity candles and sand ceremonies are still probably the 2 main unity ritual options of today’s wedding ceremonies. But, like a lot of brides, I was looking for something a little different and more appropriate to our theme. I briefly considered a wine box but that didn’t really suit my idea of the perfect unity ritual (while some use locks, most of them involve hammering the box closed and that’s just way too jarring for me).

Then I remembered something I’d read in passing, several years ago, on the Adventures in Vineyard Land blog (now Schram Vineyards). They did a wine-blending ceremony: The Unity Wine Pour. I loved that idea, and decided it would be perfect for our ceremony unity ritual.

Of course, how to do it was the big question.

I mean, the mechanics are simple enough–pour two wines together and each drink from it, right?

But what wines, what do we pour into, who drinks first, do we drink together, etc. etc. etc.

Ideally I’d love to have a wine from each of our home states to blend together but Florida has pesky import laws that prevent individual wineries from shipping into the state without being part of an approved distributor network or some such. And, of course, the one Nebraska wine that I’ve tasted cannot ship here. Bother. That said, I still plan on stopping by the liquor store I frequent to see what they can get in and maybe even if we can do a sample tasting before committing. And if all else fails we’ll just go with a red and a white that’ll work–I just want to avoid blending something harsh. Not only would that be distasteful in practicality, it also wouldn’t be a great way to start off as husband and wife, right?

To blend the wine we’ll be pouring whatever wines we choose into a decanter. This decanter, in fact:

Susquehanna Glass Sonoma Pattern 64-ounce Classic Round Carafe | image via Overstock

Susquehanna Glass Sonoma Pattern 64-ounce Classic Round Carafe | image via Overstock

After a bit of a swirl together we’ll each pour the other a glass of the blended wine and we’ll toast each other.

Hand-cut Sonoma Grape Balloon Red Wine Glasses | image via Overstock

Hand-cut Sonoma Grape Balloon Red Wine Glasses | image via Overstock

My main concern with this ritual is the potential for getting red or rose wine on my dress. It’s almost enough to make me spray down my ensemble with Scotch Guard beforehand but, hey, I’ll live dangerously and skip that step. Probably.

Aside from which wines we’re using, we also still have to decide on a song to play for this part of the ceremony. I considered writing something for Friend-ficiant L to read while we do our thing, but figured it might be nice to give her a breather, too, after the vows, so a musical interlude it is. And to give our guests a clue at what’s going on, I’ve been looking up quotes and such that use grapes and vines as a metaphor for love, life, and relationships to include in the program. So far this one my Rumi is in the lead:

When grapes turn
to wine, they long for our ability to change

When stars wheel
around the North Pole,
they are longing for our growing consciousness

Wine got drunk with us
not the other way.
The body developed our of us not we from it.

We are bees,
and our body is a honeycomb.
We made
the body, cell by cell we made it.

–Rumi translated by Robert Bly

 After that we’ll return to our positions in front of Friend-ficiant L (the wine blending set-up will be at a separate table either off to the side or up at the top of the steps) for the last portion of our ceremony.

Crafting the Ceremony: Vows and Rings

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Speaking of pomp and circumstance, does anyone remember the over-hyped train wreck that was the Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries wedding spectacle? I admit to watching it (though a few days later–I was curious, not devoted) and Mr. RT was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. When they got to the obligatory “til death do us part”, T guffawed and said, “yeah, or until divorce.”

Not witty so much as prophetic–though it didn’t exactly take Carnac to see where that one was heading.

But it did open the discussion on vows, and what we did and did not want to include. Namely, I wanted “til death do us part” no where near our ceremony.

  • For one thing, we Road Trips are each divorced, so there’s that specter of ‘yeah, right’ with those words. Tempt fate much? Not that we’re going into this marriage with anything but the utmost faith that we will live out our days in happy, silly, geeky, love, but I just don’t want to go there. I don’t want to put that same ‘yeah, right’ thought into our guests heads.
  • For another thing, who says death has to part you, really? I’m not sure if I’m 100% on board with reincarnation or anything, but a wise woman once told me about soul contracts and soul groups. About how we keep bumping into the same souls, spirits, life essences time after time and, well, we’ll never know for sure, but I think it’s a pretty cool concept.
  • For a final thing, death is a bit of a bummer. Sure, sure, it’s impossible to have true happiness without something to compare it to, but I just would really prefer to keep things as positive as possible. Not only the vows, but the readings, the music, everything we can point in that direction–it’s really important that everything reflect forward movement and a hopeful attitude.

So with that in mind, we knew that we’d write our own vows, and proceeded to look through various ceremonies for ideas and inspiration.

I came across one ceremony that included a set of elemental blessings that we thought would be great as readings:

These are the blessings of the elements of air: may you always share ideas, tell each other your dreams, appreciate each other’s intelligence. The gift of air is communication.

These are the blessings of the element of fire: may you always find inspiration in each other, find the energy you need to support each other, and have faith in your relationship. The gift of fire is passion.

These are the blessings of the element of water: may you offer each other compassion, may you wash away hurts and share each other’s joy. The gift of water is love.

These are the blessings of the element of earth: may you never want for food or shelter, may you thrive in health and enjoy the good things of the earth. The gift of earth is the material world.

Of course, this means we have to decide on four people (one for each blessing) to ask to read them, but I suppose that’s something we’ll wait to do until we get closer to the actual ceremony (and know who, for sure, is coming).

The other part of the sample ceremony I loved was the ring vows. They speak to the usual symbols of the ring but end with the awesome words “I promise to be a good partner for as long as love lasts.” Isn’t that all kinds of perfect?

Sure, it could be looked at as saying that we’re in this as long as we love each other, but it can also be looked at as the larger concept of love being eternal, which is the side I like to look at.

Of course, we still have to decide on our personal vows to go between readings and the rings. After originally thinking that we’d each write our own vows in secret and be surprised on the big day, I remembered that I don’t do well with surprises, even the good ones, and was rather concerned that Mr Road Trip would bust out with some supremely sweet and heartfelt vows and I’d go more lighthearted and they just wouldn’t go together very well. Hence, we’re going to write our vows together, and attempt to mix a certain amount of sweet and sappy with just enough lighthearted fun to keep it real.

Because there seems to be a line to walk, at least in my mind. Go for too much of the funny and we’re not taking it seriously enough, go strictly solemn and I’m fighting the urge to roll my eyes during the entire ceremony. I think it means we need a vow-writing-date sometime in the very near future.

How did you come up with your vows?

Crafting the Ceremony: Walk Right In

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

You may have noticed that there’s been little talk of bridesmaids or groomsman in the Road Trip world. That’s because we’re not having any. This is one of a handful of “traditions” we’re opting out of for our wedding.

It’s not that we’re morally opposed to having our closest friends stand up with us, it’s mostly that with only 40 or so people at the wedding at all, having 8 or so people up front would feel like half the audience! The other part of our reasoning is that our friends are each wrapped up in their own day-to-day lives and aren’t really into the whole wedding entourage thing, so why force it? I’d even considered asking said closest friends to act as our House Party (an honorary title for Helper Monkeys who don’t have to wear certain things or stand up with us, but still help out) but with a DoC it didn’t seem necessary.

On the one hand, it greatly simplifies how many metaphorical cats we have to heard on the wedding day. On the other hand, it means there’s not much processing going on–especially when you consider how brief our aisle will be!

Admitting that I was a touch of pomp and circumstance to properly kick off the ceremony, we’ve decided it would be nice to not just have the ceremonial seating of the mothers, but also the rest of the immediate family that will be there, since we’re not all that many to begin with.

I figure FFIL Road Trip can escort FSIL Golf to their seats, followed by Mr. Road Trip seating FMIL Road Trip. Then, on my side, Brother Speedy can seat Doctor Aunt, Brother Truck escorts his wife to their seats as Brother Speedy circles back to escort Mama Leadfoot. We might also ask if Friend-ficiant L wants to process similarly or if she’d rather just position herself up front before hand.

The Dad Thing

Like fellow Honeymoon Bees Bicycle and Rucksack, my father isn’t available for that traditional walk down the aisle.

Well, he might be available in the grand scheme of things, if I were to find out where he was and ask him, but 8-year-old me ratting him out to the authorities and sending him away for 5 years and then opting not to see him ever again tends to put the kibosh on those sorts of requests.

(Yes, I’m making light of what was a very difficult time in my young life–more in deference to not bringing the mood down or triggering others with tales of woe. Laughter is the best medicine and all that jazz. Moving on!)

At my first wedding I processed alone. At the time it was the right choice for me to make but I distinctly remember the nerves and pressure of all those sets of eyes on me with no one to lean on–physically or emotionally. Not wanting to go through that again, I proposed that we Road Trips walk down the aisle together.

After all, I don’t view our wedding as the beginning of our life together as much as I do the next step in our overall relationship, and it’s a step we’re taking together. Escorting each other down the aisle makes the most sense, preserves our personal independence, and keeps me from either a) making that walk alone, again, or b) asking someone else to fill-in, which would feel rather disingenuous.

And what will we be processing to, you might ask? I’ve always loved Pachelbel’s Canon in D–it’s the band geek in me coming out–and I’ve heard so many versions of it that it’s almost hard to choose. For a while the Canadian Brass was the front-runner for favorite (low brass represent!) and then we heard the Trans-Siberian Orchestra version and it was pretty much all over from there.

(Direct link for the feed readers: TSO Christmas Canon Rock)

Of course I’ll have to edit out vocals from the center but their mix of strings and electric guitar is just the sort of traditional with a twist that appeals to us. And the fact that it might make some of our older guests’ eyes widen in surprise is merely a nice side-effect.

Our Friend-Ficiant

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Exactly one week after announcing our engagement, we attended an Octoberfest-themed First Friday event with some of our local Meet-Up friends and, unbeknownst to the Road Trips, we were about to be given our first (and possibly most awesome) gift of our wedding: a gift of service.

It’s hardly unusual these days to have a friend or family member officiate a wedding, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it in those first three month of pre-planning, but to ask someone for such a favor seemed like a bit of an imposition. (And, you know, if they said no I’d be really crushed.)

So when friend L asked who we were planning to have marry us, we said we’d probably just hire a notary to do it (as Florida is one of 5 states that allows that sort of thing). And that’s when she asked if we would like her to do it.

It's really tough to find pictures of L without a costume of some sort!

It’s really tough to find pictures of L without a costume of some sort!

We’d only been friends with L and her husband for about a year at that point, and she had assumed we Road Trips were already married. Within a couple of hours of that first introduction L and I were totally on the same wavelength, finishing each other’s sentences and becoming fast friends. And when we announced our engagement not only did she get a moment of ‘I knew it’ for good measure, she was–and still is–the person most excited about our upcoming wedding aside from Mr. Road Trip and I.

First she had to qualify, which meant either becoming a notary or get ordained by one of the online venues that specialize therein. Since we were, at that time, considering venues in Georgia as well as Florida (Thomasville, GA, is actually closer to Tallahassee than our venue in Greenville), she opted for ordination, choosing American Marriage Ministry over the ubiquitous Universal Life Church. Unlike some folks who get ordained to perform a specific ceremony and that’s it, L wanted to be able to offer her services to others, as well, so it was important to make sure the group she affiliated with fit in with her own beliefs.

She’s also been invaluable as photographer on 2 of my 3 dress excursions, researching venues, and keeping us on our toes about getting our ceremony put together.

Because, of course, that’s the beauty of having a friend perform the ceremony: you get to create it from the ground up!

The Cocktail To Be Named Later

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Because the name is, so far, totally eluding me.

Which is sorta weird because the names are usually what come to me first on a project like this, and help guide the rest of the components. I suppose I’m putting a wee bit of pressure on myself with this one and that’s why it’s taken me this long to get this far with the cocktail inspiration.

Enough navel gazing! What (as-yet-unnamed) cocktail will we be serving to our guests and what bit of bubbly did we decide on???

Our mystery bubbles | personal photo

Our mystery bubbles | personal photo

A mixture of pomegranate juice  and dark chocolate vodka topped off by the Barefoot Moscato Spumante Champagne!

The pomegranate is from my original cocktail, and the chocolate–well, who really says no to chocolate? Not the Road Trips! We both prefer the sweeter, dessert-y-er cocktails for general consumption, so including chocolate was a good, safe (tasty!) call. The Barefoot Moscato was the only one of the three that really let the other flavors come through, and it’s rather gentle price-point certainly doesn’t hurt.

I hadn’t intended on having such a strong base-spirit getting into the mix to compete with the wine, but my first version with Godiva liqueur didn’t go so well.

Did anyone else notice the switch Godiva made a little while back? It used to be the color and consistency of, say, Kahlua, but now it’s more a creme liqueur. And let me tell you, creme liqueurs do not like to play nice with fruit juices. There is a cocktail (well, it’s more of a shot, I think) that takes “advantage” of this sort of curdling effect so liqueurs have with other liquids (it’s called a Cement Mixer for gross and obvious reasons–ick) but it’s not very appetizing if you ask me. So my second option was a flavored vodka I had on hand and it paired surprisingly well with the champagne* and juice.

After a quick check with the venue that we could have the bartenders top off our prepared mixture of pomegranate and chocolate with the bubbly, rather than serving it all pre-mixed from a beverage dispenser as originally planned (and thus keeping as much of the effervescence as possible), we’re good to go with whatever we end up calling this.

Which leads me to our first bit of signage created for the wedding:

painting in progress | personal image

painting in progress | personal image

I used one of our engagement pictures for a reference and drew up this little framed sign with the vines reminiscent of the ones on our StD cards (they’ll keep showing up as the DIYs continue). Since I haven’t decided what size frame/mat I want to use, I decided to scan it and paint it digitally that way I can re-size it at will. (Traditional watercolors really don’t scan well, in my experience.) Not to mention digital painting let’s me get away with NOT erasing all my sketch lines–bonus!

Okay, let’s hear it! Got any suggestions for a name for this sweet and sparkly concoction? I really want to use the word Sparkler or Sparkling in the name, it’s coming up with what to pair with it that has me stumped.

*small-c, following the old rules that sparkling wines made in the style of French region of Champagne could still claim that title, even though the practice is otherwise prohibited these days; Barefoot was apparently grandfathered-in. There’s your spirited (!) trivia of the day.