Wedding Planning

How We Met: Battlestar Gallactica, Webcomics and Voice Actors

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
SoulGeek.com

image via soulgeek.com

The story of how the Road Trips managed to get together is either very simple or very not. The simple version is we met in a chatroom, exchanged some witty banter when I noticed he lived in the city where I was born and we shared the same profession, hit it off and he came to visit one weekend in November. The rest is history.

The not simple version, well, that’s not just our story.

Many years ago, Dino and Mary Kay were a happily married couple living and working in California as voice actors. Unfortunately, Mary Kay had some private struggles going on and gave in to that battle, leaving Dino broken-hearted.

When he finally got the courage to get back into the dating scene, he found the online dating world to be stacked against our kind. What kind is that? Geeks. The comic book readers, RPG players, Star Trek or Wars-watching, cosplaying “freaks” among us were pretty unanimously shunned on a lot of the mainstream dating sites.

Luckily for Dino, he reconnected with his high school sweetheart one day and they were able to pick up pretty much where they left off.

One Father’s Day, this high school love surprised Dino with tickets to a Battlestar Gallactica concert at the Hollywood Bowl. While being cuddly in line they saw a cute girl standing alone. Dino, being quite the people-person, said ‘I hope we’re not being too mushy.’ She replied ‘No, no, I’m hoping I can find a geek of my own, here.’

Dino was floored. Here was this cute girl that, were he 10 years younger, he’d certainly try to chat up, into geekie things but couldn’t find a guy? “There should be a place where geeks can find other geeks to date,” Dino said. And his lady love, smart one that she is, replied “Why don’t you make one.”

And that’s how Soulgeek.com started. And had ads on popular webcomics, stressing it as a geek dating and community site. And that’s how both Mr. Road Trip and I, each not necessarily looking for anything more than a fun place to hang out, decided to check out this site just to see what it was all about.

It sounds like such a round-about way of getting us together, but we’re more than aware of the steps that it took for both of us to be in the same place, at the same time, and at the right time to be open to a relationship–even though we didn’t think we were to begin with.

We’ve since become good friends with the founder of the site (as one of their earlier success stories) and it makes us all the more conscious of the hows, whys, and who perhaps had to sacrifice to bring us together. For this we send out a sincere note of thanks, even if it is has to reach beyond the bounds of the U.S. Postal System.

Is there anyone you owe a thank-you to for your relationship?

Planning a No-Repeat Ceremony

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
NOT-to-do list, or things to avoid re-doing from one wedding to the next

image created by Miss Road Trip

While some brides and grooms have their hearts set on traditional vows to feel part of a larger whole, many a modern nuptial focuses on individuality. The desire to be unique and “US” is a frequent sentiment among wedding bloggers.

No where is this need to set yourself apart more apparent, though, than when one has been married before.

Everyone has baggage, everyone has a past, but on a day like your wedding,
the past is the last thing you want to be reminded of.

Let’s call these sort of things Anti-Priorities, shall we?

Anti-Priorities could include any of the following:

  • Same wedding colors or theme
  • Same dress!
  • Same vows (unless, of course, you’re going with the traditionally-worded type)
  • Same ring (unless we’re talking a family heirloom)
  • Same readings/soloist/songs during the ceremony
  • Same first dance
  • Same catering choices
  • Same garter (find something else to be your something old, please!)
  • Same honeymoon!

For me, it’s less about what we’re not doing the same and more about the things I didn’t get to do the first time (no dancing at the reception meant no first dance–that’s something I’d LIKE to do, this time around, if it can be worked out in the space we have). But with both Mr. Trips and I being married before, can you imagine the awkwardness if I’d chosen the same dress or first dance song as his first wife?

For the record, their first dance was “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. I’m having one of those The Wedding Planner-like flashes of inspiration: the theme song to an incredibly tragic movie may not be the best choice to kick-off a lifetime of happiness, you know?

It’s tough enough, when dating, finding out that your guy’s favorite date spot is littered with memories of his previous dates. You want this one to be different (hell, you want it to work!), it’s only natural.

Recycling is big these days, but I don’t think you need to recycle your wedding ideas, do you?

Budget Bride Permission Slips

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
Budget Bride Permission Slip Badge

image created by Miss Road Trip

Fact: weddings can be very expensive. And no matter how conscious we try to be of the budget we have to work with, it’s hard to escape the feeling of overwhelm as we flip through magazines with prices on every photo or browse vendors’ websites and check out their rate sheets (if they even have them).

So today I’m writing out a few “permission slips” for us budget brides that will hopefully remind us that it’s OK! to do what we have to do to create the celebration we want on our own terms and not those of the looming wedding industry.

And to start, we’re going to talk dresses.

it’s OK! to…

Watch wedding shows like Say Yes to the Dress
and shake your head in amazement at women dropping
your entire wedding budget on their dress.

Seriously, it always floors me that some folks are spending my budget or more on a dress.

And it’s okay to have that moment of ‘whoa’ but to keep everything in perspective.

What’s not okay is to get all bitter and hate-faced. After all, a wedding is a celebration and we want to keep everything as positive as possible so there are predominantly happy memories of this time of transition.

So we, as budget brides, savvy of our bottom line, will try on dresses to find out what we want well ahead of time and then scout out sites like Once Wed, Dress Rush, or Rue La La‘s Bridal Boutique for just the right dress. Or we plan a road trip with our favorite girls to a dress outlet like Bridal Outlet of Atlanta and look for a deal. Or we’ll make it ourselves (or find a dressmaker).

Whatever we do, we’re not going to let our budget get us down!

——————–

Next, let’s tackle photography fees. Ready?

it’s OK to…

Cringe at the sight of the word “investment” on a wedding photographer’s website or brochure.

Buzz-words may be the death of me, I mean it.

Look, I get it, the price tag on wedding photography is steep for a reason. As a way to reframe the customer’s perceptions, looking at your wedding photos as a long-term benefit can help sooth the blow of that bottom line.

Maybe it’s a leftover from growing up with the mantra “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” Anyone else familiar with that line?

But most of us are just trying to get a feel for if the photographer is even in our ballpark and might already be frustrated by having to hunt through half a dozen sites that don’t even list starting fees or package prices for comparison, so seeing the buzzword of “investment” just raises a red flag. And then, if the “investment” link leads to an explanation of how much effort goes into capturing this “once in a lifetime” *ahem* moment for all posterity but still fails to list a price range? *deep breath*

If you’re trying to make a sale, don’t hide the price. Don’t make it more difficult for me to hire you.

And I think it’s totally okay to not be as all about the photos and to just enjoy the experience of the day. If you’re not the type to look at photo albums and you’re not planning on having children to pass these keepsakes down to, do what’s important to you and don’t let the rest of the wedding industry tell you that you what you HAVE to have.

——————–

Okay, the last two were a bit vent-ish, this one is actually a fun permission slip:

it’s OK! to…

Splurge on the one thing that really is the most important to the day. Provided you…

  • Keep the splurge to 1 thing, not everything–that last bits a one-way ticket to an exploded budget.
  • Realize that a splurge in 1 category means cutting back in another one.
  • And keeping in mind the comfort of your guests.

Going back to the previous permission slips: if the dress is going to make the wedding for you, find a way to get the one you want by any reasonable means possible. If photography IS your number 1 priority, maybe you’ll find room in your budget to pay the travel expenses of the photog you just have to have.

For us? Our splurge is almost always on the food.

When we throw a party at home, I tend to go overboard on the food every. single. time. Partially because I truly believe it’s poor form to run out of anything at a party and partially because I want my guests to never leave my home hungry.

And the more I remind myself that the wedding is really just a party to celebrate the next step in our relationship, a party with a bigger budget than I’ve every thrown before, suddenly our $5K budget seems like a boom, not a bust.

What are you wanting a “permission slip” for?

Climbing Out of a Debtor’s Rut: Try It Yourself

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Triumphant bride standing on solid ground

Who else is ready to get out of debt?

To do this, you’ll need to know a few things about each of your debt accounts: current balance, interest rate and the current minimum payment.

Now:

  • Step 1: Put them in order, highest balance to lowest.
  • Step 2: Look at your budget for the month (make one if this isn’t something you already do) and figure out how much you can spare, in addition to your minimum payments listed above, towards paying off your debt.
  • Step 3: Add that additional amount to your lowest credit card, etc. each month. So if your lowest card has a minimum payment of $15 and you decided you can spare $20 more towards paying off your debt each month, you’d pay $35 towards that bill each month until it’s paid off.
  • Step 4: When you pay off the first card, roll that total payment into the next lowest bill. If, say, your next lowest bill has a minimum payment of $25, rolling that $35 that you no longer owe to Company A means you’re now payment Company B $60 a month and you haven’t affected your monthly budget at all.
  • Step 5: Repeat steps 3 and 4 until all your debts are paid.

It might seem slow going at first, especially if you’re stretched kinda thin to begin with and can’t afford a lot extra towards your debt, but after you get a couple of small balances paid off you’ll start to see dramatic results.

At least I think they’re kind of dramatic. I’m a numbers girl, after all, but seeing that balance start to go down chunk by chunk instead of pebble by pebble is a pretty cool feeling.

To see just how this will affect your own personal finance, I’ve put together a little spreadsheet you can download, plug-in your info and see the difference a little strategy can make.

CC Payoff Projector (just right click and save as to download a copy)

This isn’t, of course, exact, but it’ll give you a good idea of what to expect.

And depending on the card and the balance, you may need to update your plan from time to time.

A couple things to remember, though, to make this work the best:

  • Once you start to pay off a card, don’t use it! I know, it’s kind of obvious, but it’s worth saying that any charges made against it means longer to pay it off.
  • If the interest rate changes (an unfortunate reality, I’m afraid) make sure to update your spreadsheet so you can see what it’ll do to your pay-off plans. If it skyrockets, maybe call the company and ask for a rate review.

Now, why not just save up this extra bit and pay off the bill all at once? Easy! While you’re earning a percent or two per year (if you’re lucky!) in a savings account, that credit card balance is costing you up to 20% (or more). It just doesn’t make sense to save at a loss, you know?

Also, by concentrating your “extra” on one card at a time, you’re seeing results quicker (which is why I like to start with the store cards first–they tend to have higher interest rates and lower balances) and will then have a larger amount to roll onto your major card minimum payment when the time comes. Obviously if you’ve got a card that is in danger of going over your credit limit, it’s a good idea to get it down to a more reasonable level first, but we’re working from the idea that things aren’t quite that dire just yet.

This isn’t going to work for everyone, of course, but it is working for me, so I thought it was worth sharing. I don’t think I’ll be completely debt free by the wedding, but I’ll be in a lot better shape than if I didn’t do anything!

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

 

What’s your plan for debt management?

Climbing Out of a Debtor’s Rut: Old Dog, Meet New Tricks

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Bride climbing her way out of a rutNow, before you can tackle a problem–debt or otherwise–you have to know exactly what you’re dealing with.

Come on, I can’t be the only girl guilty of looking only at the minimum payment and remaining credit balance and totally ignoring the bottom line, can I?

Frankly, listing out your balances on credit cards, cars, student loans and whatever other debt you may have can make even the strongest girl want to run for the hills. Or the ice cream hidden in the back of the freezer.

I know, I had to do it. And I’m ashamed to say the tally (not counting my student loans) was already in the 5 figures. Ouch! How did this happen?

Oh, right. Lots of dinners out, that cruise I was going to pay off in 3 months that I kept putting off. The shopping on said cruise. More dinners out. Clothes. Shoes. A new laptop, laser printer, Wii and Wii Fit. Throw a few parties and you’ve pretty much got it.

Frivolous? Maybe. Do I regret any of the purchases or experiences? Not really.

The important thing is to not beat ourselves up too much over this because self-loathing is counter productive. Instead, we can be grateful for the past and keep moving forward!

So, now that we know the problem, what’s the solution?

Ages ago (or at least it feels like it, I suppose it was more like 12 years ago) I had a friend involved with a certain multi-level financial services company and, for a while, so did I. While it was a great learning experience (wherein one of the biggest things I learned was that I’m NOT made to be a salesperson) it wasn’t the best fit for me so I walked away. But not without learning a lot!

Tomorrow I’m going to go into the details of the how-to. It’s not a huge secret or anything, and if you’re familiar with Dave Ramsey you may have already heard of it. (He calls it snowballing. We called it Debt Stacking. I didn’t know who Dave Ramsey was until a few months ago, so take what you will from it.)

I do want to point out that last year I paid off 1 store card and will be paying off a second store card next month. This year I’ll also be paying off my car and that, plus the funds that’d been put towards the 2 now-paid-off cards will make it possible to pay off the remaining 2 store cards and get started on one of my major credit cards by the end of this year.

And that I’m pretty doggone pleased about!

Pretty Book and Flower Icon

Have you ever sat down and totaled-up your debt?
Did it shock you or have you always kept up with the total?Â